I’m sat on the train departing from Dorking and heading into London Waterloo. Thursdays are my office day and I am fortunate enough that I get to work from home the rest of the week.
Last night I washed my hair so it was one less task to deal with in the morning and also washed up the cats and dog bowls ready for breakfast.
I also spent about 20 minutes and the nearly the entire contents of a lint roller de-fluffing my black wool All Saints coat. No idea why though. Just being in our house is like entering a fluffy war zone, nothing is safe. It’s in the air. I also, stupidly, picked the fluffliest scarf I own and am now back to square one, if not worse.
This morning I woke up early and had a shower, put my make up on, got half dressed, fed the animals, laid out Elliott’s school clothes, filled up his water bottle, put his homework book in his school bag, put out a bowl, spoon, his latest favorite cereal – Weetabix – his pepper pig multi vitamin and a little note. Its become a “thing” to write something silly on a post it note for him whenever I go to the office and leave it for him where he sits to eat his breakfast, he loves them as its the only morning he doesn’t get to see me so lets him know I was still thinking about him even though I’m not there. Being a covid baby he suffers a lot more with separation than his brother ever has. Jenson would quite happily have lived on his own since he was 8 if he could.
I then ran the straighteners over my bed head, why do I always wake up looking like I’ve been dragged though a bush? Then once Lottie has finished her morning cuddle attack I finished getting dressed, pack my laptop bag and made it into the car for 7:30. Hurrah.
My station is the first in the line so I always get a seat, I tend to pick a seat by the window in a group of 4. I don’t like being the first in a two seater knowing you’ll be squashed in by some random who could decide to eat their breakfast or listen to something on their phone on loud speaker or worse, someone who might fall asleep next to you and then your trapped.
Sometimes I’ll take the opportunity of this 3 hour commute to watch a movie or work my way through a Netflix series, other times I’ll blast some bangers like “Nothings gonna stop us now” by Starship or “Eternal flame” by The Bangles – classic.
People watching is the only sport where you’re allowed to stare without anyone thinking you’re weird—until you start narrating their life story in your head – I often sit there and spend my journey making up stories about what Miss Type-a-Lot is frantically tapping away about, my laptop doesn’t leave my bag until I get to the office so it must be super important, maybe she is planning to take over the world. Why does Mr Boomey Voice feel the need to talk so loudly even though he has ear pods in, yet he still bellows muffled nonsense directly into his phone, is it seriously that important that it cant wait until you get off the train? Maybe he has OCD and needed to check the hob was off and he turned the iron off and touched the light switched an even amount of times before he left the house and its facing the right way because otherwise who even takes calls anymore, send a message!
Then there is Mrs MAC who is floorlessly applying her face without a single smudge, I’d defo look more like crusty the clown if I attempted make up on the move, she must be a professional. She’s obviously on her way for a casting, maybe she’s a model or actress and today is her big break because otherwise it’s impossible. Nearly as impossible as my sister thinks it is to curl her hair with straighteners, which seems like the only thing I’ve nailed over the years. Check me out Mrs GHD Master Curler.
You also have Mrs Sleepy Head who has her head down and face buried in her scarf, bets are in as to whether there is a puddle of dribble or not when she finally wakes up. Why so sleepy? Did her husband snore all night and keep her awake, was she up all night raving, did she eat cheese before bed and have bad dreams? Hmmmm.
Mr No Hands who stands for the whole journey and hasn’t felt the need to hold on once, just riding the rails and slurping his coffee like a South Western Railway surfer dude in his 2 piece suit, Hush Puppies and Gillet. Bet back in the old days he used to skate or roller blade or have a BMX and be totally cool man.
And then there’s me. I am short sighted so wear my glasses for driving and seeing things I really need to concentrate on and usually stick them on my head as soon as I get on the train. I have been navigating the same route through the tube station for a while now so being lazy I leave my glasses on top of my head until I get to Marylebone and I need to see the Starbucks menu board, god knows why when I order the same regular skinny caramel latte every time.
Due to the lack of glasses on my face I ended up feeling like a right twonk as this guy came walking confidently towards me on the platform with the biggest smile, waving and said “Hello, how are you?” He was really excited to see me and even though I had absolutely no idea who this guy was I replied “Hiiii, I’m good thanks, you?”
At which point he walked straight passed me and greeted the person walking right behind me! What an absolute dooshbag. I had to laugh, why did I think he was talking to me anyway I didn’t even know this guys. Pah!
After hours of observing, I realized something—while I was busy watching everyone else, I never stopped to think: maybe I was the subject of someone else’s people-watching story. Or worse, the awkward interaction with the guy on in the station will be something that someone will reflect on and that I was probably the weird one—sitting there, making up backstories, at least I wasn’t wearing socks with sandals… I think.
