I went out for a dog walk and thought I would try something a bit different, I put in my headphones and opened up a voice note app and did a test run to make sure what I was saying recorded clearly. All seemed well so I opened up a new recording, put my phone in my pocket and rambled on for 25 minutes.
I’ve not spent much time writing recently and spend hours a week walking the dog and talking to myself so thought I would capture my thoughts while it’s just me and the puppy.
I started off by laughing at the dog because living in an all boy household (even the cats are boys) I couldn’t wait to get a girl, so she could be a little princess, have bows in her hair, wear cute jumpers and pretty collars and bring me the little bit of pink I needed. I absolutely did not get anything of the sort. She loves mud and puddles and don’t get me wrong I couldn’t love her anymore if I tried but she is more Princess Fiona – swamp monster – than dainty show dog.
While walking I usually take my time to reflect on things that have happened that day or remember things that make me laugh, sometimes I go through things that are playing on my mind and I try and replay the situation in the my head. Its always interesting to see if I could’ve handled it differently. Usually its something work related and I picture it going a little more dramatically than it did in real life like imagining throwing my laptop out of the window or smashing someone with a giant middle finger to the face. Its nice to dream!
I also recently lost my work bestie, she didn’t die, she moved on to an incredible new job in the city and I wanted to get her something meaningful, not a mug or note book or a voucher. So I went to Willow Haven in Horsham and purchased her a crystal bracelet. I’m not huge on crystals but a dear friend of mine gave me some rose quartz one day a I’ve warmed to the idea of their healing properties ever since. While in the shop the lady suggested Fluorite for clarity, balance and mental enhancement and Carnelian for courage, strength, creativity and passion. I thought she would appreciate the gesture and meaning behind them, which she did.
While there I also picked up a little something for myself, would be rude not to, so I got some Rhodenite for compassion, love, and healing and Shungite: a rare stone that’s said to work against pollutants, free radicals, and harmful germs. There are also claims that it may help shield you from electromagnetic field exposure. To be honest she said rare and I was sold!
Anyway I would usually step away from my phone when out for a walk as its nice to have the break from technology, but armed with my rare Russian stone I felt more protected today and I went phone in pocket where I was recording myself babbling on. If anyone saw me I’m hoping they would assume I was on a phone call rather than having a full blown conversation with myself. I spend so much time on a laptop for work and then my phone for personal entertainment it all becomes a bit much so a dog walk without a device is quite refreshing but it was nice to think on this occasion that my inside voice was being recorded and I could try and make use of the content. On other days, when I say I go mobile free I mean I still keep it on my person, I am not totally mental, what if I get lost or someone tries to take me, I need some way of being tracked.
As I got towards the end of our walk and dumped the puppy poop in the stink bin I pulled my phone out and stopped the recording. While walking back to the house I opened the app to listen back to make sure it sounded ok and what a load a wazz started playing back at me. As soon as I put my phone in my pocket all you heard was the shuffling of my Barbour lining. FFS. Oh well! Maybe next time. Its not like my thoughts ever switch them selves off, I talk to myself all the time. Literally everything is a running commentary so its crazy to find out that not everyone has an internal monologue.
An internal monologue is the voice in your head that you use to think, also known as inner speech or inner voice. It’s a way of having a conversation with yourself without speaking out loud. Who doesn’t have this? I legit thought that everyone else in the world uses this head space for conversations to slag off their kids, run through check lists, store memos to myself, make up songs to remind me to pick things up from the shops, argue with myself, calm myself down, have full blown arguments with my husband and then forgive him without him even knowing he has done anything wrong. Its a great place to be. I couldn’t imagine not having the space in my head where my mouth can remain closed and the thoughts are free to flow. There are so many occasions when I have to bite my lip and my face is the only give away of how I am feeling, but if you could hear what was going on in my head there would be fireworks!
xoxo
